Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3

SUMMARY, CONCLUSIONS, AND RECOMMENDATIONS

Summary

This paper is an effort to find out what are the aspects of love through psychological and scientific perspective.

The research design used in this study is the descriptive research method wherein data from  the articles of different authors and the studies found online were used to answer the research question posed. The research findings are the following:

1. There are many beliefs in love. Generations have passed but still traditions and beliefs are still there. In the Philippines many traditions and beliefs are practiced through the years. 

2. Traditions in the Philippines like, Serenade is practiced. When a guy courts a girl, he will go to the house of the girl and sing a song for her to mark the start of his courtship.

CONCLUSIONS

Based on the findings of the study, the following conclusions are drawn:

1. Though the said beliefs are still practiced, other people don't believe in this anymore. Thinking that it's just a waste of time.

RECOMMENDATIONS

After drawing the conclusions of the study, the researchers hereby make the following suggestions/recommendations:

1. The elderly still wants these beliefs to be practiced because it shows the effort of Filipinos on how they'll cherish their loved ones.

REFERENCES

Lawrence R. Samuel "America's Love Affair with the Supernatural"
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/psychology-yesterday/201305/americas-love-affair-the-supernatural

 Martha Peaslee Levine "Living the Fairy tales."
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/your-write-health/201104/living-the-fairy-tale

Bjarne Holmes " Danger: Beware of the Soul Mate Fallacy"
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/love-the-numbers/201202/danger-beware-the-soul-mate-fallacy

Laura Schaefer "Love Superstitions and their origins"
http://www.match.com/magazine/article/13027/8-Love-Superstitions-And-Their-Origins/

Sasha Manuel "Traditions in Philippine Courtship"
http://www.blisstree.com/2006/07/10/mental-health-well-being/traditions-in-philippine-courtship-45/

Chapter 2 Draft

Chapter 2

Discussion

What are the different aspects of love from a psychological and scientific perspective?

I. Definition of love

Love when defined as a phrase, according to the Merriam - Webster Dictionary (a) "strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties" ; (b) "attraction based on sexual desire :  affection and tenderness felt by lovers" ; (c) "affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests"

(http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/love)

II. Superstitious belief in love

A. Superstitions

There are many superstitious beliefs in love, and some people really believe that it's true. Many generations have passed but still this traditions and beliefs are still here.

An article is written by Laura Schaefer entitled, "Love Superstitions and their origins." This article states the different origins of superstitions. Like, throwing coins in a well and making a wish and Kissing at Midnight on New Year's Eve. Many of this superstitions are believed by our Grandparents and still are followed by couples or even single people all over the world.

Schaefer says, "They offer the comfort of believing we can offset the chance of unwanted outcomes and increase our chances of future good."
(http://www.match.com/magazine/article/13027/8-Love-Superstitions-And-Their-Origins/)

B. Serenade

Girls this days would still like a guy to serenade them if he is courting her. It's a sign of effort for her to see that the guy is willing to sing for her even though his voice is not that good. In the Philippines it has been a tradition to most of the Filipinos.

An article written by Sasha Manuel entitled, "Traditions in Philippine Courtship." It is stated here that Serenade or Harana is armed with a guitar, the suitor and can be also accompanied by his friends goes to the girls house, standing right in front of the window and starts singing for her, this marks the start of courtship.

Manuel says, "Our culture is quite conservative especially in the olden days it has been passed on over the years."
(http://www.blisstree.com/2006/07/10/mental-health-well-being/traditions-in-philippine-courtship-45/)
III. Aspects of love in psychological and scientific perspective
A. Psychological Perspective

Many people fall in love, Love is a basic human emotion, understanding on how and why it happens is not necessarily easy.


An article written by Kendra Cherry entitled, "Theories of Love." This article states the four major theories of love that explain love and other emotional attachments. First of is, Liking vs. Loving. Second, Compassionate vs. Passionate Love.

1. Liking vs. Loving

A psychologist named Zick Rubin said that romantic love has three elements: attachments, intimacy and caring. These scales provided support for his conception of love.

2. Compassionate vs. Passionate Love

According to Elaine Hatfield and her colleagues, compassionate love usually develops out of mutual understanding and respect for one another. While, Passionate Love is characterized by intense emotions, sexual attraction, anxiety and affection.

Cherry says, "for a long time, many people suggested that love was simply something that science couldn't understand."
http://psychology.about.com/od/loveandattraction/a/theoriesoflove.htm

Relationships (Draft)

Chapter 1:

Introduction

A. Background of the Study

People think that love is supernatural. Thinking that you can experience love and you'll feel like that feeling is supernatural. Lawrence R. Samuel wrote an article called, "America's Love Affair with the Supernatural." In this article Lawrence discusses that most Americans believe in the paranormal and supernatural beliefs which is proven by polls and surveys. They have a long love affair with the supernatural, So why are they interested in things that are not real and things that we can't even see, hear or touch?

Lawrence says, "these common beliefs and sacred values are essential in binding us together as a society because they help us to see ourselves connected to each other at a deeper level."
(http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/psychology-yesterday/201305/americas-love-affair-the-supernatural)

The idea of love is somehow related to fairy tales. Why? People want to have their own Prince Charming. They want to have their own "Happy Ending." Martha Peaslee Levine wrote the article entitled, "Living the Fairy tales." She said that she isn't trying to be depressing in her article but rather realistic. She is states here that in real life we don't have fairy tales, we don't have happy endings but rather we have life's up and downs. Also she says that we can discover the aspects of fairy tale in our own lives. 

Levine says,  "I wrote about value. We often equate our value with how much money we're making or whether we're making other people happy or any number of qualities. So, that is the first writing prompt-how do you value yourself? Others? Journal about what you value in yourself and in life."
(http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/your-write-health/201104/living-the-fairy-tale)

People base their love in romantic movies. Couples wants to have relationships like in what we see in the movies. Peter G. Stromberg wrote an article entitled, "Romantic Realism and Romantic Relationships." In this article it is said that romantic realism can influence you into thinking that this should happen in real life. Also, it is a perfected images of our lives.

Peter G. Stromberg stated that, "I suspect that romantic movies does in fact have some strong effects on us, but these effects occur more at the level of emotions than thoughts." 

(http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/sex-drugs-and-boredom/201010/romantic-realism-and-romantic-relationships)

People believe in supernatural things related to love like destiny. Bjarne Holmes wrote an article called, " Danger: Beware of the Soul Mate Fallacy" This research says that the belief in destiny can be harmful to us especially our relationships. It is also stated that If you look at a perspective that you two are going to end up together or not you are more likely to see negative things in your relationship as an indicator to tell you that you haven't found your special someone that is destined for you. 

Holmes says, "Research shows that people in relationships who have a "work it through" mentality will cope much better when trials come and that the relationship will stand a better chance of long-term survival"

(http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/love-the-numbers/201202/danger-beware-the-soul-mate-fallacy)

The researcher observed that many aspects of love that people consider as supernatural are really not. A problem that the researcher can derive is that people always get their hopes up then end up being disappointed and miserable.They'll stop believing and they'll start thinking that everyone will always make them like their not worth it and no one will take them seriously.

With these concepts and perspectives it came to the mind of the researcher and idea that love is somehow supernatural and magical. Wherein people this days believe in movies, fairy tales and destiny. Through explaining each subject the readers could have an insight why love is supernatural.

B. Statement of the Problem

This study aims to answer the question:

1. What are the different aspects of love from a psychological and scientific perspective?

C. Significance of the study

Couples. This research paper will help couples on how supernatural things related to love could affect their relationship. This too can help them on how they'll get through hardships in their relationship.

Future Researchers. This research paper would be useful to future researchers who are making studies about supernatural aspects of love. This would also be a help for their studies.

D. Scope and Delimitation

This study is focused on how to explain supernatural aspects of love from a scientific perception. Types of relationship would also be discussed in this paper as the researcher wants to inform the readers more about relationships and love.

Due to time constraints, this study will not discuss non-romantic topics due to lack of factual and reliable sources.

E. Materials and Methods

The information posted in this paper are gathered from articles online that is related to love and relationships. It will focus on relationships and supernatural beliefs in them. There will be a lot of information written through this paper to make readers learn more about relationships and love.

F. Definition of Terms

1. Destiny. The inevitable or necessary fate to which a particular person or thing is destined; one's lot.

2. Fairy tales. a children's story about magical and imaginary beings and lands.

3. Romantic Movies. are romantic love stories recorded in visual media for broadcast in theaters and on television that focus on passion, emotion and the affectionate romantic involvement of the main characters and the journey that their genuinely strong, true and pure romantic love takes them through dating, courtship or marriage.

4. Supernatural. relating to an order of existence beyond the visible observable universe; especially :  of or relating to God or a god, demigod, spirit, or devil

Blogpost #8: First Heartbreak

The night after Junior-Senior Prom, My mom found out that I already have a boyfriend. So mom was mad at me because of that, what she did was she made me break up with him. After I said that, I realized that I still wanted him in my life but I was too late. He had already given up on us. I tried and tried to talk to him but he always refused. I felt like my world was falling apart. My First Heartbreak.

I read an article entitled, "The Science Behind Heartbreak" by Ashley Cox.  It is said in this article that the depression caused by a heartbreak could prevent us from experience life to the fullest. According to Alex Zautra, a professor of psychology at Arizona State University, "Pain is the way mind responds to trouble inside the body." Stages of heartbreak follows a similar pattern of the stages of death. First, Shock and Denial, You may deny the reality of the situation. Second, Pain and Guilt, Regret for things that you have done wrong. Third, Anger and Bargaining, You'll release al lthe unspoken emotion. This stage is where the questions, "why why why?!" comes on. Fourth, Depression, Reflection and Loneliness, This is the situation where you accept and finally realized the weight of your loss. Lastly, Acceptance and an Upward Turn. Your feelings of depression will slightly be lifted, and you'll accept the things that had happened and the ability to move on occurs.

"Although most pain heartbreak is not that severe, it still has a profound effect on daily living." Even though things are over between the two of you. It may be not that hard for you or it is hard for you there will always be have an effect on you.  Tears will be flooding, You won't be able to sleep because you are thinking of what could have happened in the future if the both of you are still together.

I've read another article entitled, "Heartbreak Puts the Brakes on Your Heart" By Divya Memon. It is stated here that the process physical and social pain in some of the same regions. They made a study, they asked volunteers to send a photograph of themselves, then they asked students from another university to look at the photos of the volunteers to decide whether they like them or not. The student from the other university has wires placed on their chests for an electrocardiogram, the student looked at the unfamiliar faces from the volunteers. The student was asked to guess if that volunteer liked him/her. After that they were told whether the person actually "liked" them or not. Each participant's heart rate fell in anticipation before they found out the person's supposed opinion of them. Their heart rate was affected and dropped further and was slowing down when it came back up to its usual rate. It was said that the study shows the experiment, what they called " social rejected" could really feel "heartbreaking."

"Social rejection isn't just emotionally upsetting; it also upsets your heart." Says Memon. It really is heartbreaking and sad to know you were rejected by someone. No one wants to be rejected, right? But because of social rejection many people are having a hard time lifting up their self esteem.

We all now it's hard to get over our first love. Everyone will experience this kind of heartbreak. But let me tell you that this isn't the end of it. Accept that it's over, remove everything that reminds you of him or her. Do something that will make your everyday life back to normal.

Blogspot #7: Unconditional love

What is Unconditional love? Unconditional love differ from the kind of love that is known to us. Unconditional love is in the essence of true love. It is love without limits, reasons and bounds. This is a kind of love that loving someone without asking for their love in return.

I've read an article entitled, " Do you believe in Unconditional love?" by Jeremy Nicholson. It is said in this article that love and relationship can have separate rules. Love, because we feel it, can be unconditional. Like when a person truly loves you for who you are. Relationships are working partnerships. They require conditions, limits and commitment.

"healthy relationships are necessary too." Says Nicholson. They love their partners unconditionally but they still set rules to maintain their relationship with them. They set rules so if their relationship experience problems they'll know when to stop.

Another article is entitled, "Giving Unconditional Love When You Didn't Get It Yourself" by Laura Markham. Unconditional love, He said that we need to accept and love ourselves with our imperfections. Also researchers say that this deep self-love is the opposite of selfishness.


"We can experience unconditional love by giving it to ourselves.'' Says Markham. Just like what Markham said. Love yourself, accept yourself with all our imperfections and mistakes. How would you love someone when you, don't love yourself.

To sum it all up, Unconditional love is loving your partner unconditionally without limits, bounds and reasons. To do this, love yourself first. It's not hard to that isn't it? Relax and pamper yourself. And you'll be ready to go on hardships in life.

Blogpost #6: Friend zone

Being in a situation where one falls in love with a friend but he/she only sees him/her as a friend. In Wikipedia, Friend zone refers to a situation wherein one person wishes to be in a romantic relationship while the other does not.

Guy: Can we be more than just friends?

Girl: Sure, bestfriends! :)

Guy: No, I mean more than that.

Girl: OK, Super best friends :D

I've read this conversation in the internet before. This sucks right? I have this friend he really loves this girl, he confessed to her that he loves her but the girl wants them to be just friends? No. The girl wanted them to be BEST OF FRIENDS. That got to hurt. And, the guy said "If being her best friend will still let me be with her then I'll do it."

In the article Nice Guy Syndrome And The Friend Zone by Alisse Desrosiers, she says that friend zone is a bullshit, misogynistic, make believe land that nice guys come up to demonize women for not wanting to date them. This is a way for them to let the women think they are the one that got away.

Desrosiers says, "You don't deserve the dirt on my shoe if you don't treat me with respect." This goes to all men, so what if she friend zoned you that doesn't mean that you won't meet other people. Like what they've said "There are plenty fish in the sea." Think before you talk so women won't think you're a douche bag.

I read an article entitled Tales From the Friend Zone: REALLY Just Friends? by Dr. Gary Lewandowski. They conducted a study in which students came to the lab with a  opposite-sex friend, and they answered questions about each other. The questions were focused how much they were attracted to him (or her), the desire to date each other and their attraction to each other.

What they found? First, they found that young adults were more attracted to their female friends than females were attracted to their male friends. Second, Males' attraction to female isn't changed by relationship status. Lastly, Males overestimated female friend's interest, while females underestimated their male friend's attraction but accurately gauged the male friend's desire to date them.

According to Lewandowski, "Being attracted to someone does not mean that two people will ever hook-up or develop a relationship." Guys never pursue a romantic relationship maybe because they don't have a chance, because their female friend already has a relationship or she just simply does not see romantic potential in him. That's why guys end up being Friend zoned.

I also experienced being friend zoned. The guy I was talking about in the second paragraph, I used to like him. While he was in love with the girl. Well that was before. Now I realized that was stupid. Real stupid. Don't do what the guy did, be best friends with the one your in love with? Noooo. Don't do that if for the sake of being with her is what you want. There are many girls out there. Don't let yourself be friend zoned. You'll just get hurt. Someone is out there will like you and will not friend zone you.

Think positive! Don't think that someone just friend zoned you doesn't mean you're not worth it. You are more than what you think. Someone will be there for you. Someone deserve you. Someone will love you. Just wait. Just like what they've said, "Great things come to those who wait."

Blogpost #5: Puppy love

What is Puppy love? Does it have something to do with puppies? Well, no. Puppy love is the term used for your first crush or your some what called love in your teenage years. It has nothing to do with real love, which is a much deeper feeling towards the opposite sex. During our younger years, we experience puppy love. Which we think is 'real love', but really, its just infatuation.

I've read an article entitled, "Is it just puppy love?" by Ann Naragon. Puppy love is what parents call if their little girl that is now a teenager is having a crush on someone, and parents want to be on track on how their little girl is doing. Parents get strict saying, "You can only date someone whom I approve of and only after I have completed a full background check!" Through this parents can monitor their daughter's sexual activity.

"Giving teens some independence while simultaneously teaching morals and values to help adolescents make sound decisions down the road, seems like a trepidatious balancing act, which should only be attempted by a seasoned acrobat." Says Naragon. I agree with this statement. Well, of not just because I'm also a teen but you should really let your children to be independent. I mean it's not always that they'll need to consult you on their decisions. They're already teenagers learn to let them go, but you should always be by their sides to guide them.

In another article, "Teenagers in Love" by Nancy Kalish. It is said that, adults refer that the romantic bonds that are not taken seriously are called "Puppy love." Parents are questioning the ability of teenagers to know what love is, still they accept the statements of their children, "I love you Mom & Dad." Before, teenagers marry their first sweethearts right after high school. In a survey of 1600 people who had never tried to have a reunion with a lost love, ages 18 to 92, 56% of the participants says that they would not want to get back together with their first loves, 19% were not sure yet 25% still said they would!

"If adults accept that teenagers can love parents truly, then shouldn't they also accept teen romances are 'real' love?"  Says Kalish. I also agree with this. Why do adults think that we teenagers doesn't know love? Of course we know what love is. All of us do.

Puppy love is what they call it. It is important that we someone by our side. Ones that we are close to and someone who we trust. We teenagers need love more than anyone. Where else can we find love the love that we need? Love that is lacking from us? Of course, Someone that is going through the same events in our lives.

Blogpost #4: First love

First love, the one that you first truly have feelings for. The person who is always and will be the first person you truly fell in love with. Your first love will be one who will be the hardest to get over, the one who can make you smile without any reason. The one that you'll never forget even though everything is over between the two of you.

I read an article entitled, "The Power of First Loves" by Wendy Atterberry. On her article it says that when we experience something, like one that reminds us of our first love, dopamine and norepinephrine are chemicals from our brain that are released if we experience our "firsts". These chemicals are freed and the memories tat we have from that relationship is triggered. She also said that we can even assign the new person with the characteristics of our exes. It's called "Transference." Not only the characteristics, even your old feelings, motivations and expectations are revived.

"Many people really don't truly get over their first loves." Says Atterberry. We really don't get over them. Even though years have passed we could still remember the moments that we are with them. They made a huge impact on us because they were the one where we had our "firsts" and because they are our first love.

In another article entitled, "Adolescents in love: What makes a first love special?" By Brandon Warren. It said here that, compared looking at photographs of a friend, looking photos of your loved one generate activation in processing regions in the brain. These areas are similar to those found active under the influence of cocaine.

"The first experience of passionate love can be overwhelming and quickly turn into the most important thing in a teenager's life." Says Warren. I agree with this statement, because everyone experience having their first love and this is one of the most unforgettable moments in our life.

When we fall in love the second and third time, these feeling are more familiar, easier to control, and will be a result of less overwhelming experience. Never forget your first love. We experienced how to love through them, we experienced our "firsts" with them.

Blogpost #3: Love at first sight

Love at first sight is it true love? or just false ideas? Most people who fall in love at the first sight sometimes think that "she's the one." or "he's my soul mate." 

I read an article entitled, "Love at first sight may have a biological basis" by Laura Schwecherl. According to this article, men tend to experience love at first sight than women does. Also, people can be more prone to love at first sight when they're younger.

"But it's unclear how often love at first sight turns into a successful partnership." Says Schwecherl. It's unclear for me, because you can't fall in love with someone you just saw. Maybe just a crush or he or she just caught you attention or maybe just because of his or her looks you'll notice her. I also think that love at  first sight is just an expression used because you saw a handsome guy or a beautiful lady then later on you'll forget that you are attracted to someone.

In another article entitled, "Is There Love at First Sight?" by Elliot D. Cohen, Ph. D. It is said that we really can't reason out that we could be in love with just a sight of the person without knowing them. Now, the idea of love at first acquaintance, this is where after the first meeting, you passionately, madly, and enthusiastically say to yourself that she is the one, she is the one whom I want to spend the rest of my life.

''in some cases, when we get to know others whom we admire from a distance, we may even come to regard them as downright repulsive." I really do agree with the 'love at first acquaintance' how would you like someone if you don't know his or her personality. What if you are admiring someone from a far and then you get to know him or her. The bad thing is he or she has no manners and this turned you off? Would you still call it 'love at first sight'? For me falling in love with a person is when you've been with him or her. Maybe, on a date. You'll know his or her personality through this and you'll already know for yourself if she is the one you want to be with.

Love at first sight or Love at first acquaintance. Either way, you will still get to know the person that got your attention. Well, of course you'll have to approach her. Do what you have to do! Don't be nervous, go on a date and get to know her.

Blogpost #2: Unrequited Love

There's a boy. And there's a girl. The boy is in love with the girl and the girl, however doesn't feel the same way. What do we get? Unrequited love or one-sided love may be the saddest thing about humanity. As humans we lack the capacity to give and receive love when it's right in front of us.

I found an article, "Pain of Unrequited Love Afflicts the Rejecter, Too." There are two sides of unrequited love, first would be "the would - be lover" and "the rejecter" both sides shows pain surprisingly, the rejecter often suffers just as much as the rejected. Why? For me it's a risk to take so that you can tell your feelings to the person you like or love. Risks that cannot be undone, like risking your friendship for you to tell what you feel about him/her and You feel guilty because you'll hurt his/her feelings.

"We rarely hear about the agony of those who are the target of an unwanted love," according to Dr. Roy Baumeister, a psychologist at Case Western Reserve University. I agree with Baumeister. The rejector will always feel bad for the pursuer because she dumped him. She doesn't know how to say 'No' to the pursuer without hurting his feelings, she will always feel guilty because of that.

 In another article entitled "Unrequited Love: Crushin' On or Crushed By You?" by Dr. Helen Lee Lin. It was said that admitting romantic feelings would change things between the pursuer and the rejector. Researchers made a study on who had either rejected a friend romantically (rejectors) or who had been rejected by a friend (pursuer). The study showed that the long-term friendship would still be friends after one confessed to him or her, the short-term relationships ended their friendship after an unrequited confession.

"possibility of losing a good friendship, the sting of rejection may be more acute when coming from someone close to us." says Dr.Helen. When you are confessing to a friend that you like him or her, You should always think that you are taking your friendship at risk. Well, if he or she feels the same way about you, good for you! but, if he or she doesn't feel the same way. Always think that someone is there for you. And I think that you should still continue your friendship.

Don't stress yourself just because you've been rejected, enjoy your life. You'll still meet other people besides him or her/ For now, be a better person for yourself. Take care of yourself, and Love yourself, then you'll meet the person that you deserve in the near future.

Blogpost #1: Long distance relationship

Some people say that Long Distance Relationships (better known as LDRs) never work. Some say it does. They say that it never work because of the distance between them. Others say they can still make it work even though distance keeps them apart. They say, "What's the use of Skype?," "We can still text and call each other even if we're far away from each other." Does long-distance relationships' really going to work?

I've read this article about the The evolution of long distance relationships by Caroline Tiger. It shows here how people back in the prehistoric times communicate with their partners. There is "The Homing Couple" here. In Ancient Greece, they use homing pigeons to send letters to their partners if they're far away from each other. "The Postal Couple", The very first postal service is developed in China around 900 B.C., giving couples everywhere a way to communicate but response takes time. The latest are the, "The Social Networking Couples," " The Text-Crazy Couples," "The Multimedia Couples," and many more. The way of communication on the said couples are the latest technology today, like Laptops, Tablets and Smart phones.

Dr. Crystal Jiang and Dr. Jeffrey Hancock wanted to prove the positive side of long-distance relationships. They asked those who were in a long-distance and geographically close relationships to report their daily interactions for a week. They had to report on how much they shared about themselves, and how intimate they are.

 “One strategy is to maintain constant communication, such as video chat, texting, instant messaging and letters," Jiang said. You shouldn't miss a day not talking to your partner. As much as possible send him/her texts, video chats or letters. So even though you're far away, you can still keep in touch with each other with the help of today's technology.

I read an article entitled Long-Distance Relationships Are Not So Bad... Now. In this article it is indicated here that long-distance relationships can really work thanks to the technology around us. From writing letters that would take months to be received to Live chatting through skype or facebook. 

Nicholas Ferroni states that, "Technology really made long-distance relationships more tolerable and possible." Today we're in the modern era, we could communicate with our partners through text, calls, facebook, twitter, skype and many more. We really don't have any reason not to keep in touch with our partners. But what if we don't have this things today? It might take two months to receive a response from your initial letter or It might not even reach the destination of the letter that you sent.

Long Distance Relationships can still work, thanks to today's technology. As they've said, "Communication is the Key!" It's already bad enough that you're apart so use the resources around you to keep in touch with each other. And remember that the distance isn't forever. You fell in love with your partner in the first place and remember all those good times that you've spent together.